Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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