which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
