Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
