I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
