so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
