Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
