Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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