don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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