so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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