ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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