I can text with my tongue
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
