you guys were way drunker than both of me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
