My hand turned me down
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
