I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I only lived at night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
