We won't sleep together?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
