okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
