if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
