So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
