where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
