She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
