I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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