He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
