mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
