oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
