tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
