last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
