worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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