I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
