The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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