I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
