Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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