I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
