She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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