Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Houston, we have a blender
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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