when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
