they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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