if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
