I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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