so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
