Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We're too hungover to prance.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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