you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
