my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
