everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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