why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
