Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
