You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
