Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
