Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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