Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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