6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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