Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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