Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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