Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
