Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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