cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
