Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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